Via GreyArea, who got it from fluorescence. Love you both!


You are mRNA. You're brilliant, full of important,
interesting information and you're a great
friend to the people you care about. You may
have sides to you that no one understands. But
while you understand more than most people,
you're only half-there most of the time.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

fear A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.

We fear what we do not know. I have a constant thirst for new knowledge and experiences; I fear not knowing. Lately, I have been petrified.

I left Vancouver the last week of September. In BC, I was getting news from home that my dad was sick, he had lost over 100 pounds since July and that he had fallen twice; once he had lain on the floor for several hours because he was home by himself, and the other he fell down the stairs and had to be carried up by my brothers. I tried to get more information – it sounded like he was at death’s door, and no one was trying to find out why. I would have insisted he go to the hospital when he fell. I would have been asking doctors myself why they weren’t doing anything. I wasn’t able to get info from anyone else. What was even more distressing is I was getting this information from a nurse, who I would have expected to have all sorts of alarms going off in her head over what she was relaying to me.

I ran out of money in BC, funds that were owed to me (final paycheck, rent deposit refund, state tax return) did not come. I was looking for jobs and trying to find out what was happening with my finances. The news about dad was too much. So instead of going to Seattle, I came home. I wanted to see my father for myself.

The bus ride home was a blur. My longest layover was 45 minutes; there was nothing to distract my thoughts for two days. I just worried. I jumped bus in Indianapolis, because I was routed to go to Louisville, then Cincinnati to arrive in Dayton. I had them reroute me direct to Dayton because I was losing my mind and couldn’t face another 6 hours on that bus. When I arrived in Dayton, my dad was the one who had come to pick me up. I was so relieved! But that is where the relief ended. He had lost weight, about 75 lbs., and was weak, but was not the bedridden invalid I had expected. I asked him about the falls – he said they were exaggerated. He was on the floor about 15 minutes for the one, and the other he had fallen at the top of the steps & my brother helped him stand up.

The doctors still did not know what was causing his chronic diarrhea and inability to eat anything solid. Then they found the ‘mass’. It was strangling his small intestine and not allowing food to pass. He also had gallstones. The next few weeks were filled with doctor’s appointments to make sure he could survive surgery, and searching for foods he could eat to keep up his strength.

After the operation, the surgeon came in to talk to the family. It was like a series of body blows – Level 4 colon cancer, larger than we thought, couldn’t get all of it, colostomy…quality of life. After the first few sentences I couldn’t comprehend any more, I was numb. The family has been saying the doctor said this or that; I was there, but cannot verify, I do not know. So now I just listen to what my dad says. I figure he is the best informed of anybody.

He was in Surgical ICU for about a week, then moved to a stepped down care, and is now going through rehabilitation in a nursing home. He is much improved, and has gained a lot of strength back. His personal outlook is positive. We talk about it sometimes when I visit. He knows what he is facing, and is ready for the fight, but says he doesn’t fear death. We don’t dwell on it, though. Usually we play ‘name that tune’ with the musak on the local weather channel, joke & pun (the colostomy bag contributes a wealth of comedic material), and discuss what needs to be done to the house for him to be able to come home. I now have learned how to spackle drywall, and am about to learn how to hang a drop ceiling.

The hardest task is trying to keep peace with my mom. As much as I get along with my dad, I don’t with my mother. My dad and I are a lot alike; my mom I have never understood, and it gets worse the more I try. My dad says she is jealous, my brother says she sees me as an intruder in her house. Whatever the reason, I want to escape.

I have been looking at apartment & job listings on the west coast. Dad has a PET scan to see where the cancer is in two weeks. The following week he will learn what they will be able to do to treat him. Any decisions about what I will do/where I will go next are on hold until then. I want to be available if he needs me. I will leave if he doesn’t. I hate this not knowing.

stress 1 : constraining force or influence: as a : a force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part; one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium : STRAIN, PRESSURE

I haven't been breathing much lately.

Difficulty obtaining monies owed, unable to find other employment in BC, and scary missives from home about my father's failing health forced me to leave Vancouver a month before scheduled. The two and a half day trip back was a blur.

pilgrimage A journey to a sacred place or shrine.
A long journey or search, especially one of exalted purpose or moral significance.

Uhh, I guess I should explain my extended absence. But I think you all either already know what has been going on, or you will be able to piece it together if you care to, so why bore those who don't?

I am sort of settled in Vancouver. I found a place that suits me well, and overlooks this small park. The view to the north is the mountains. I have to look at them every morning because I still am awed by the sight.

Sorry for the cop out - Stacie sent me this, and you know I am a Quizilla junkie.


You are "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."
You're more than a little world-weary, but also
intelligent and you keep your head when things
get dodgy. You're everybody's favorite
drinking buddy, but your stubbornness does get
in the way sometimes.


Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

san·i·ty The quality or condition of being sane; soundness of mind.
Soundness of judgment or reason.

AAAAAAAAAAUGH! I was just talking about being bit by a spider earlier! What a dumb way to go. Oh well, it beats being impaled by a giant icicle. Thanks to Kyle for the panic attack. Oh yeah, and congrats on the new baby! PS - it is actually July 8, heh.

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	Loliinspired
You will die on:	Tuesday, January 10, 2023
You will die of:	Spider Bite
Username:
Created by Quill

corporation 1. A body that is granted a charter recognizing it as a separate legal entity having its own rights, privileges, and liabilities distinct from those of its members. 2. Such a body created for purposes of government. Also called body corporate.

A good idea, if it stays small.

Sorry for the long silence. I have been working overtime to bank as much as I can for the BC dream. Unfortunately, after talking on the phones for 8-10 hours (or more), I feel as if there are no words left that would be of any interest. All work and no play does indeed make Loli dull.

intermission

What a difference a weekend makes! I spent Friday hanging out with Pookie and my nephew. We went to the mall, and acted silly (a requirement for trips to public places). I had a tantrum in Old Navy (why don't they have clothing for women with breasts?), went to Victoria's Secret (woohoo, they did) and tried out my discount, then in Sears I found two dresses on clearance that I just had to get, and demanded the tool department ring up my purchases without touching them (didn't want to risk getting grease on them) because the other two registers I could find were bogged with problem customers wanting price adjustments or returns (one of which was my brother, but I didn't mention that part). The tool dept was pretty cool about it, so cheers to the Craftsman crew!

Saturday, I set a new personal record - I worked a 12 hour shift on the phones. I got a little silly at the end (ok, yes, I tend to be silly all the time, but this was especially silly, even for me) but otherwise, I went the distance.

Sunday, I went to a family reunion and had a blast, even though (maybe because?) the turnout was low. Pookie made me take one of my brake shoes to show, in case anyone asked why he didn't come. My brakes were really bad, and I had been driving for several weeks with only the front ones.

Yargh! just looked at the time, I gotta go to work - I will post, and try to fix the relevance later. :D Smooches!

guest blogger

To: sis



give a man a fish and he eats for a day .... teach a man to fish and he eats for a life time .... teach a kid to fish and they have memories for a life time .... fix your sisters car and she drives another day .... teach you sister to fix a car and she cruises through life a little easier .... but if the man was a deaf blind mute you would feed him for a lifetime and he wouldn't be a man anymore but a friend .... and if the child did not learn to fish they would know you still loved them anyway .... and if your sister never learns to fix her car i would call that job security .... just thought you needed a big ug ....

- ronald ii

I told you he is a great brother.

fraternal Of or relating to brothers: a close fraternal tie. Showing comradeship; brotherly. Of or constituting a fraternity: a fraternal association. Biology. Of, relating to, or being a twin developed from two separately fertilized ova; dizygotic.

My brother Ron is five years younger, a whole foot taller, and a lot more responsible than I am. I look up to him both literally and figuratively.

I have been happy to have him as a brother since the day he was born. My younger sister and I had to stay at my grandparent's house while my mom was in the hospital giving birth. My sister wanted another girl, but I wanted a brother. I can still remember my father coming in the door and saying "It's a boy". I yelled 'Yay!' (yes, I have been yaying a very long time) which pissed off my sister, who still isn't over it.

He was a beautiful child with big brownish hazel eyes, incredibly long lashes, and a laugh that made me feel so good that I would spend many happy hours triggering it. He couldn't pronounce 'L's, so he called me Ori, my sister was Juwie, and we were 'grews'. He had a penchant for public peeing, and a killer instinct in soccer (played for the church team & broke a kid's leg). He was into art and drew a comic called 'Superbüm' that looked like a jellybean with a cape. Sadly, he doesn't have time to draw now.

Pookie understands everything mechanical. If it has a motor, Ron can make it run. He always got shorted on his birthdays; my dad would take him outside and say "Take your pick" as he waved his arm at a yard full of broken lawn mowers and other junk for Pookie's gift. Ron seemed to know which items to select, because to my dad's surprise, my brother always managed to fix them. So my father started giving him broken cars. Unfortunately, since Ron was like 14 when that started, my mom & sister got to drive his vehicles, so he ended up losing a few to wrecks before he was old enough to claim them, poor guy. Nowadays, he keeps the rest of us in working cars; he has taught me how to fix mine (which I usually do after something serious breaks, and I spend just as much time crying and whining as I do fixing it). It is his way of showing how much he cares about his sisters & little bro. Naturally, we push it to the limits.

Ron quit school his senior year because of family issues. He graduated from vocational school, but didn't get a high school diploma. Lat year, he took the GED test, and did so well that he got a $4000 a year scholarship to Wright State University. I am so proud of him! Sadly, he didn't use it, because he has a family to support and he couldn't take the time off from work.

His family outgrew their house, and it is kinda crowded, but he still let me stay with him for several months (twice!) when I was in need. Ron is a great cook and I sometimes raid his refrigerator. If I had the means, I would pay for an addition to his house, put him through college, and build him his dream garage. It would be a small step towards repaying all he has done for me. But for now, this (and a $25 Home Depot gift certificate I won at work) will have to do. Happy birthday, little brother. I love you very much. Thank you for everything.

moue A small grimace; a pout, a wry face [F. moue pouting, cf. OD. mouwe the protruded lip.]

I made that face a lot yesterday.

Moving update: Still moving to Kettering (on Monday); have everything but one room finished (it is almost done); keeping more things than I expected under advice from Weasel (ebay that!); may be taking Poopie to the pound tomorrow, because his owner was supposed to get him two days ago, but is apparently ducking me (and I feel horrible about being forced to do it).

Actually, things went surprisingly well, so far. There were the usual cat-herding delays associated with doing anything where my family is involved (no one brought trucks as expected, and not a rental to be found in three counties; once they all got here, it was decided to go out to eat before getting started) but eventually some progress was made, results being that things are pretty well decided and they will return later today with a van (taking majority of items to Goodwill; some furniture going to my sis). I cannot move into the studio apt until tomorrow; I will remain here until then.

The hedonist in me indulged when we went to Yellow Springs for lunch. I purchased several essential oils and a piece of amber (my new apt will have a signature scent), wasabi chips (munching now), and a half pound of chocolate covered espresso beans (reason I am still awake at 5am). The trip to the restaurant had some comic moments; I pretty much behaved myself, but drew a questioning look from the waitress who came to take our drink order when she walked up to find me smelling my fingers and remarking to Sweetie (Weasel's significant other) "Mmm, they still smell like amber". I did campaign to receive a laptop for my birthday (which is Monday) but was informed that the lunch was my gift. I hope they were lying.

Oop, sun is up. I am going to try to take a nap before they get here. Wish me luck.

capitalism an economic system based on private ownership of capital [syn: capitalist economy] [ant: socialism]

My inner anarchist is weeping. The newly minted taoist in me finds it all mildly amusing, but completely insignificant.

I'm a little torn about this whole Blogshares thing. I have rearranged my homepage, and put the badges on my sites to stake my claim, because basically I am silly. I am also virtually rich, because the starting $500 turned into a cool quarter mil. I wonder if I would do better or worse if I read the manual?



!@#$%^&* Seyed! Next I'll have to claim my resume!

consequence Something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. The relation of a result to its cause. A logical conclusion or inference.

Part deux.

Ok, so in this past week:
I got a dream job starting in August;
I had a rather gushy accolade to my supervisor from a particularly pleased customer;
I found out that I can talk on the telephone for 10 hours straight (but I start to flag at about the 9 hour mark);
I now am able to store my stuff for free at Weasel's house;
I have brake problems (the front rotors have holes in them, and I have a leaking rear cylinder);
my best friend is AWOL;
and I have a severe cold.
All in all, the yin & yang have been balancing pretty well.

So, the consenquences have been:
giddy beyond belief about the job;
supervisor thinks I rock;
know I can put in serious overtime to get more cash for my trip;
i will be saving $35 a month on storage;
have to buy brake parts tomorrow;
just waiting it out, and hope everything is ok;
and chugging Robitussin and eating megadoses of vitamin C (trying to achieve acidosis, thus making my body inhospitable to the cold germs).
Woo, am I thirsty!

Big move is Friday, May 30. I still have a lot to do. I gotta get over this cold.

consequence Something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. The relation of a result to its cause. A logical conclusion or inference.

The subject facinates me.

This month, every aspect of my life has been in a state of flux (physics definition #5). Every choice I have to make affects one or more of these, causing this feeling of playing chess or some other strategic game, with the pieces being my friends, family, career, etc. The interesting, and perhaps sick part of it is that I am enjoying the game immensely. I have very definite ideas about the results I want, and right now, I appear to be winning.

(oh for god's sake, I gotta go to work - to be continued)

insight The capacity to discern the true nature of a situation. The act or outcome of grasping the inward or hidden nature of things or of perceiving in an intuitive manner.

I like the inward glances solitary exercise provokes.

Yesterday, I went to the key lake, and walked 5 miles (maybe more, it is 1/2 mile around, and I did more than ten laps, but I didn't keep exact count, I was too busy thinking) and contemplated my life, and the direction (or lack thereof) I was going.

(Note: I started this post several days ago, and being true to my nature, got sidetracked, and promptly forgot all about it. I think that is a telling sign of what my spirit animal is. I am a Whirligig Beetle.)

I thought his weeks of silence were a dismissal,
and had filed it as a life lesson in my mind.
He IMed me, just out of the blue.
In shock and surprise, I am afraid to say anything.

I fear I will say something foolish, so I keep my answers short.
My heart is aching; I want to know why he is back.
I missed him, but I cannot say it - pride will not allow me.
So here we sit, saying nothing while I weep.

He is drunk, he is explaining, he is touching me once again.
Softly playful, he brings me into his circle, charming me.
I feel the embers in my heart glow brighter with his breeze,
my cheeks flame in shame at being won again so easily.

(update - I am currently in run away mode, so don't worry about me)

FYI: I haven't abandoned gnomiinfo - I have expanded. My shy little experiment is growing. The main page is at http://loliinspired.blogspot.com

I needed a place to post my portfolio, resume, and have a public presence, because I am trying to change my career direction. I have had enough of making the best of jobs that offer no lasting satisfaction. I want to do something that I can be proud of, that I also enjoy just doing. I am learning about writing code with these sites; I believe that it is a necessary skill for me to make things happen. Where will I end up? With me, it's hard to call. But I think that it will involve writing, photograpy, websites, and of course, my friends.

It looks as if the bike trip is off (for now) because I have work obligations through mid July, and I am trying for a kick butt awesome one right after that (so cross your fingers for me.)

There is a link to this page from loli, inspired. I want to preserve gnomiinfo as my little refuge to bare my soul when I feel it needs freshening. I think it will be safe enough, because I know nobody clicks on the site page links, unless they are looking for something specific. So, if the notion strikes you, check the Allowed to breathe link every now and then. I'll still be here, practicing my breathing.

Thank you for helping me believe I could do this, my treasured five readers. Hugs & smooches!

hopeless Having no hope; despairing, bleak. Incurable. Having no possibility of solution; impossible.
romantic Given to thoughts or feelings of romance. Imaginative but impractical; visionary.

Ouch.

Several months ago, I was called a hopeless romantic by someone whose opinion I value very much. Being a habitual optimist, I figured it was meant in a good way, and skipped off to another subject. But the term stayed in my mind, because it stung a little.

So, I was doing my usual morning blog crawl (It's like a pub crawl - you start out with a rough idea of where you are going, but then hook up with friends, so you never know for sure where you will end up.) and followed links to Quizilla where I encountered the phrase applied to me again:


Romantic movie! You probably won't star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole "love" thing...romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You're probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

The thing that bothers me is the 'hopeless' part. I admit that I am a romantic. I love flowers, the sound of rain, and sunsets. I get sentimental attachments to (sometimes odd) things that instill fond memories. To me, an ideal date is cooking dinner together, going for an evening stroll, then parking on the couch to watch a movie and be silly. I'm not in denial, or chasing an impossible dream. I know very well life can be disappointing; but I also know it can be sweet. I believe that true love does exist. If anything, I am full of hope.

lollygag To waste time by puttering aimlessly; dawdle. [Origin unknown.]

No, it wasn't named for me. But it could have been.

After near heroic attempts to delay (painted my toenails, cut my hair, sorted books, etc.) I DID IT! I completed my taxes, and mailed them off with three hours to spare. There were minor bits of drama, like when I couldn't find a filing service online that could 'handle' my filing needs, or discovered I needed a form that could only be downloaded and printed (I never hooked up my printer, I don't even know if it works.) But, being ever resilient, I used the library's printer to obtain my form and just completed them myself. After locating envelopes, stamps, and attaching my W2's with brown mailing tape (it was all I could find in a hurry), I dashed to the post office to join the festivities.

Imagine my chagrin at arriving to find a lone person in the post office lobby, eating hot wings while wearing a suit. He didn't say anything, so I dropped my envelopes in the 'out of town' chute, and slunk back outside to locate the revelers. Across the street from the post office is a large gas station (our business district is a crossroad) that is always active, and was positively jumping tonight, so I wandered over there. There were lots of people, quite a few lawmen (whose presence I attributed to the gas station being the local Krispy Kreme repository, in addition to the high volume of people in the only likely location of trouble breaking out for the evening), but no tax party. I bought tortilla chips and salsa, and came home. I didn't even see a party on the news. I feel robbed. Hope you had a happy tax day.

procrastination To put off doing something. To postpone or delay needlessly.

There are forty-nine days left to plan my future. I have this nagging voice in my head saying I should panic. For some odd reason, I have not.

I realized yesterday that I had 50 days left before I have to vacate my beautiful treehouse. Fifty days, because my landlord is moving, and I have to be out June 1. Treehouse, because I have had a lovely three years living on the second floor of an old farmhouse on ten acres of land, with trees all around, 9' ceilings, and huge windows everywhere; when I open them all, it is just like being in a treehouse. It is imperfect, like old houses are, but has lovely feng shui. I will miss it, not bitterly, but in a fond remembrance of grade school friends kind of way. I am at peace about it; I know life is not meant to be static.

~~~Intermission~~~

I spent the weekend (today is actually 4/14; this post was parked in draft for two days) hiking in three different parks and at Pookie's bonfire playing hide and seek until 1am. There were several (I think two) guilty thoughts that I should be completing tasks instead of running around, but I pushed them aside and kept right on running. I felt too joyous to spend a sunny day cataloging belongings, or filling out tax forms. I didn't want to be the ant in the fable. The halcyon days of spring are just too few and fleeting. In my defense, this is the first year I have procrastinated on taxes. All years prior, I had them completed, sent, and spent before the second week of March. April 15 would see me at home watching on the TV news last minute filers in the post office getting free pizza. It didn't seem fair. This year, I am the grasshopper; this year, I'm going for the free pizza.

POS Acronym for 'Piece Of Sh*t'; a common term for a motor vehicle that is not valuable, but serves its purpose for local travel.

I had a bad weekend. It is ultimately no one's fault but my own; but I will strive to place the blame elsewhere.

It started out as a jaunt to sell some VHS tapes (included SWII, Little Nicky, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, The One...) as part of my 'Asset Liquidation Scheme' (TM) to raise money for my trip. I was headed to the pawn shop where I used to work, and which I despise (but that is a long, potentially libelous story that concludes some people actually do fit stereotypes), but figured I could get at least $2 a tape from them. On the way, PW saw a video store that had 'we buy videos' painted on their window, so I jumped at the chance to avoid the pawn shop. Ok, I'll zip this part of the story - ended up trading 20 recent, decent videos for a used Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask. Left the shop with all sorts of chastising comments running through my head, but chose to ignore them.

Arrived to PW's (10 miles from video store) to discover that the clerk had given me the wrong game. Drove back to video store with PW's niece this time, to exchange for correct game.

Returned to PW's to discover that the game needs the N64 expansion pack to play it. Called Kmart, Meijer's, Wal-mart, Best Buy, Electronic Boutique, and another local video gaming store to see if they had the expansion pack. All said 'no'.

Neither I, PW, nor PW's niece could remember the name of the shop we had just been in. So, I made a third trip up the highway to see if they had the pack, and if not, make the guy take the game back (I realize he didn't have to, but I knew from working at the pawn shop that his purchasing methods were not in accordance with the local laws, and I was not above threatening him with it.)

I was already working on a foul mood. I was stopped at the top of the highway ramp, taking a swig of soda while waiting for the light to change, when an SUV smacked into the rear of my car.

If you have ever been in an accident, you may be familiar with how time can seem altered. It went like this in slow mo:

• Feel impact, soda explodes all over me (if you have ever had a tequila slammer, you will be familiar with that effect.)

• Niece in back seat is jolted awake, and exclaims "what the hell? They are laughing!"

• I thought 'this is my punishment for drinking soda' (bad kidneys - I can relate to the smoker with one lung, addictions are a bitch).

• Kid appears next to my car door, saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

• I censor my words, because I am pissed.

• I get out, and see this big red SUV violating the rear end of my happy-go-lucky '88 T-bird. (!)

A side note about cars and my philosophy on them: They are machines. They are a convenience, but not a necessity. I have owned a wide spectrum of vehicles (9 or so), from a Lincoln Mark VII (luxury, baby - was like driving around a comfy couch that could go really fast), to a semi-parted out Datsun I bought for $50 US at a garage sale (the running joke was it had Briggs & Stratton's finest in it) and have learned use them, enjoy them, but always be able to walk away from them. They are not an extension of my personality; they do not say who I am. They are simply tools.

The tail light assembly was busted out. Basically, I wasn't as upset about the car as I was over being drenched in red soda. I look at kid, and his laughing companion, and I get my camera out of my bag and start documenting (I got a great shot of his face when it fell.) I was hearing the pertinent part of Alice's Restaurant Massacre in my mind as I took pictures of all views, except aerial shots. We exchanged names & numbers, then I got back into my car, exclaiming 'GOD, I love my camera!'

I drove to the video store (I was on a mission, remember?) where I discover that a) Yes, he had an N64 expansion pack; and b) He wants to charge me $20 for it (thus effectively doubling the game price). This resulted in my performing a soliloquy and then telling him that 'no, I do not want it, I have been through so much over this stupid game, that I don't even want to look at it anymore.'

PW bought the expansion pack. The clerk rubbed salt in my wounds by making a big show of how he didn't charge any tax on the expansion pack, because of all my 'trouble'. I played N64 the rest of the weekend. I don't think I learned a thing.

shill One who poses as a satisfied customer or an enthusiastic gambler to dupe bystanders into participating in a swindle.

Boy, have I got a deal for you...

Ok, I have spent a large portion of my day cataloging items, and I have started listing them on *shudder* ebay. It will consist mainly of oddball books, and vinyl records (My CDs are probably going to Dingleberry's in Yellow Springs on Saturday). I must confess, I am having a lot of fun writing the item descriptions.
My ebay user name is Cicadi. It was my original internet name. I posted on ScrappleFace and the 5k.org with it; and no, that is not me on Geocities (or the porn sites).

Side note: While googling unsuccessfully for a Dingleberry's link, I found this link, which gives you a good overview of where I used to live, and still spend a lot of time.

reference A work frequently used as a source.

This is an entirely self serving post, but maybe you dear reader, will benefit from it.

I have been purging everything I possess. I am striving for streamlined efficiency. Unfortunately, I have not achieved that with my computer. In fact, I have lost an entire 80 gig drive in it somewhere. I know it's there, but my computer doesn't see it. I feel like I am in a Monty Python sketch when I try to get the computer to recognize the hardware. So, I am going to give my machine an electronic high colonic (If you don't hear from me again, I love you all.)

I have many websites that I have collected from friends, found on other sites, or happily stumbled across on my own. Unfortunately, I doubt that I will be able to find them all again, and it is doubtful that my laptop will have a floppy drive, so I am parking a large chunk of the contents of 'my favorites' from my web browser here for retrieval at a later time. So, without further ado, My Favorites:

Reference Sites:
Dictionary.com (yup, I plagerize it quite frequently)
Communecom (another dictionary link)
The Word Spy (a good reference for new/coined/recycled words)
Wikipedia (good non-partisan reference)
everything² (fun site, still havent fully explored this - I could easily spend several days here)
bibilomania (a virtual library)
The Ism Book (this was via headlessness)
Food Reference Website (fun to peruse, as well as reference)
Don Markstein's Toonpedia (It is so a reference site)

Education sites:
Journalism.org (I need to read this more)
Physics at Kenyon (Kenyon College is right here in Ohio - Professor Greenslade rocks)
Knatz.com (I really enjoy Paul Knatz.)
Golan Levin Homepage (all about exploring possibilities)
Toki Pona (This is my current foreign language elective)

Personal interests:
Snowdrift Farm Formulary (yes, I make soap)
Trailsource (I have a subscription.)
CinemaNow (The super lazy and very portable way to watch movies.)
Bookcrossing.com (I think everyone should do this)
Macrobiotics (dabble, but I need to do serious study)
Plants Database (longtime interest)
1000 Journals (very cool, via JH again)

Playground:
the5k.org (My very first 'play' site.)
No Effort Online (Home of Tales for the L33T. Chris Coutts, w00t!)
10 second films (making films for fun)

Political:
ACLU (the government is supposed to work for us; good managers stay informed)
Fair Trade Federation (speaks for itself)
Vegan Blog (moving towards this goal)

Just Because:
haiku contest (win free books)
Who's We Design Studios (The coolest design site I know - I like to just look at it.)
Anarchist's Cookbook (I periodically check to see if they are still up. It is one of my freedom of speech gauges.)
Polar Image (incredibly beautiful photos)

I hope you found something interesting or useful in all that. I'm off to do more deconstruction.

ethnicity Ethnic character, background, or ethnic group.

The tough minded ... respect difference. Their goal is a world made safe for differences, where the United States may be American to the hilt without threatening the peace of the world, and France may be France, and Japan may be Japan on the same conditions. - Ruth Fulton Benedict

I just saw the film Rabbit-Proof Fence, a historical drama from Australia. I highly recommend viewing it. Everlyn Sampi and Tianna Sansbury's portrayals of Molly and Daisy are incredibly real. Classed and judged on appearance and misguided beliefs, they simply wish to be allowed to be. The ending is bittersweet, but I won't spoil it for you.

I identify strongly with characters such as these. I too have been judged by my appearance. What I look like and what I am are very different things in the world of stereotypes. The notion that what you look like determines all you are and what you will accomplish angers me. I grew up next to an air base, and went to school with every ethnic mix you can imagine. I know from first hand experience that all races / nationalities are equal - they all have their respective artists, geniuses, and assholes. The color of someone's skin has no more bearing on their abilities than eye color, or hair texture does. It in no way makes one inferior, so why are there those who try so hard to convince us that it does?

catalog A publication containing a display of articles for sale: a catalog of fall fashions; a seed catalog.

Evil marketing ploys...

I have spent the past few weeks purging my house of possesions to prepare for my trip. I am very pleased that I am down to one room to sort - my bedroom, which more accurately should be called a library, because it contains a sleeping mat and several hundred books. Now, I'm being tested. The spring catalogs have started arriving! First came Crate & Barrel (love that store), followed by The Stash Tea Catalog (Ooooh, a dragonfly tetsubin teapot!). I am not purchasing anything, my resolve is still solid, and these catalogs are going right to the local laundromat (they let you leave reading material there - it is a good way to recycle magazines). Well... after I read them one more time.

bliss Extreme happiness; ecstasy.

I am now the very happy/proud/impatiently waiting for the batteries to charge owner of this.

It can do 5 minute movies!! Now, I am just a laptop away from having all I require for my trip. You will see pics, just as soon as I figure out image hosting (and the batteries finish charging). Happy day!

boredom The state of being bored, a state of ennui. The realm of bores.

Is not life a hundred times too short to bore ourselves? - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I cannot believe I quoted from Beyond Good and Evil. I throw that book across the room every time I start to read it. He's so...wrong about most things. Hopefully, I will not be a bore with this post.

Boring Preface Story (sorry)
I used to work as an insulator. I hung fiberglass insulation (yes, it was itchy) in new construction, and blew insulation into walls & attics of existing buildings. The blown insulation was installed with a machine that looked like a huge blender/vacuum cleaner mounted on a truck. The two-person operation consisted of one person climbing into the attic, and applying the blowing insulation, while the other person stayed in the back of the truck and loaded the insulation into the hopper. The person in the attic had to communicate with the other by cupping their hand over the end of the hose, and sending a sort of Morse code. It was boring as heck in the back of the truck, but it beat the nightmare of the attic (dark, close quarters, blowing insulation...). It took two minutes to load the hopper, and 15 for it to empty. So, I got creative.

Not-So Boring Weird Story Used To Entertain Myself In The Situation Described In The Aforementioned Boring Preface Story (really sorry)
I used to do this skit in my mind to entertain myself: Mr. Bill was being treated by Dr. Ruth Westheimer for sexual repression caused by him being haunted by a talking apparition of Sigmund Freud (I liked the blend of the voices, ok?). Freud had the hots for Westheimer, and was always trying to get Mr. Bill to realize Freud's desires. It started something like this: (It is better if you do the voices - the links have audio samples. G'wan, nobody's watching you.)

Mr. Bill and Dr. Ruth meet in the green room of a late night talk show.
Mr. Bill: Dr Ruth, I am such a big fan of yours. I wanted to call your show, but was afraid I would be recognized - the distinctive voice, you know?
Dr. Ruth: Why, Mister Bill, that should not stop you if you need help. Everybody has problems, you don't need to feel ashamed. I'll tell you what, if it will make you feel better, you can come see me in my office.
Mr. Bill: Oh, yay!!! Thank you Dr. Ruth!

The next day, in Dr. Ruth's office.
Dr.Ruth: Ahh, there you are, come right in, please. Feel free to make yourself comfortable.
Mr. Bill: Thank you. I'm so glad you could see me, Dr. Ruth. I don't think I can stand it much longer.
Dr.Ruth: Oh? Stand what? Is Sluggo pressuring you to do things you are not ready for?
Mr. Bill: What? Oh, no, it's not like that...
Dr.Ruth: No? Ok, why don't you just relax, and tell me what's the trouble.
Mr. Bill: Well...I'm haunted... by something that tells me to do things I don't want to.
The ghost of Sigmund Freud appears; only seen by Mr. Bill
Mr. Bill: OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Dr.Ruth: Mr. Bill, are you ok?
Freud: Oh, quit whining. Ooh! Who is this charming woman?
Mr. Bill: He's back, he's back!
Dr.Ruth: Who's back?
Mr. Bill: Sigmund Freud! He's been haunting me.
Freud: Tell her she can call me 'Siggy'.
Dr.Ruth: ...
Mr. Bill: He appeared after Sluggo was mean to me during our date.
Freud: Ah HA!
Mr. Bill: I mean, 'a' date.
Dr.Ruth: Oh?
Mr. Bill: I was on a date with someone else.
Dr.Ruth: It is ok, you are not being judged. Even if you were to go on a date with Sluggo, it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Freud: Ohhh, she is such a vixen!
Dr.Ruth: What else do you remember?
Mr. Bill: I remember that Sluggo tore my arms off...
Dr.Ruth: Did you feel emasculated?
Freud: What a woman! Ask her out.
Mr. Bill: What?
Dr.Ruth: I mean, did you feel that he had taken your penis as well?
Freud: Whoohoo! The little minx! Put your arm around her...
Mr. Bill: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Dr.Ruth: Sorry, you must try to relax. You are too tense.
Freud: I must have her!
Mr. Bill: Gnomi, please stop being bored!

(Ok, I'm tired of typing dialog. You get the idea, so make your own ending. According to Freud, repressed memories don't represent truth, but instead are symbolic representations of past events. Throw in a freudian slip, phobia, etc. Have fun with it, try different scenarios. It's an interesting exercise.)

beautiful Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight. Excellent; wonderful.

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. - William Morris (Champion of the Arts & Crafts movement.

I have been a flurry of activity, recently - not that my five treasured (and probably bailed) readers would be able to tell from my silence. The trip this summer is closer to reality. I have the financial part mostly worked out, and I am preparing to give up my apartment.

The amount of things one can accumulate in a short time is amazing. I really like the sentiment expressed by William Morris, but I feel it is still too broad. I have a lot of beautiful things - I need to justify putting it in storage with another reason besides "It is delightful." Right now, I'm shooting for beautiful & useful. My sis in law keeps telling me to put everything on Ebay, but the thought just makes me feel dirty. I would rather just donate it all to a thrift store. I kind of like the idea of my treasures moving on to an uncertain future, just as I am.

addiction The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

My nephew got an Xbox for Christmas, and my first obsession with it was to set the high score on Kabuki Warriors. Last night I spent 11 hours straight playing Oddworld Munch's Oddysee.

This is not new; I can trace the trend back through N 64 (the Legend of Zelda series which rocks, Pokemon Stadium and Snap for reasons that are still not clear), Playstation & PS2 (pretty much every game ever made for it, except Madden NFL), Sega (Sonic the Hedgehog, Bubsy), SNES (Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros.), all the way back to Atari 5200, 2600 (Frogger, Missile Command, Pitfall and Zaxxon), and Colecovision (aww, come on, you don't remember Blockade, or Qbert?).

My only venture into online gaming, Gameneverending, is currently under construction. I participated in the alpha testing; it was a very pleasant experience. The community formed by the players was delightful. I can hardly wait for it to be up again.

When computer gaming systems were introduced, there were detractors claiming the games were going to destroy families and turn our youth into slack-jawed adults with no employable skills. After twenty-five years, I think I'm safe saying they were wrong. When I play, I am analyzing and planning, solving puzzles, and thinking in new directions (It also is fun to occasionally kick some ass). Gaming is something my family enjoys doing together. It is a friendly competition, and the onlookers get to have a great time heckling the players. I have a photo of my oldest son standing next to the television showing his score when he beat Sonic the Hedgehog CD. It is not fanaticism, it is a pictorial record of his pride and pleasure in having accomplished something - like the pictures of him riding his first bike, or receiving citizenship and academic awards. Addiction? Maybe. Time well spent? Definitely. Game on, people.

spider v. to move in a swift, furtive manner.

I watched a shadow spider across the midnight lawn, trailing the end of a toilet tissue roll like a battle standard.

My brother Pookie is 6' 3", and weighs 265 lbs. But he can move as quiet as a cat, because he has been practicing all his life. Weasel and I can also move like shadows - we developed the talent out of necessity. We were always playing pranks, and sneaking into the house after being out all night. The vast majority of offenses were harmless; it was mostly relieving frustration and angst (Dealing with my dad can be an ordeal). The call of the night was irresistible to us. Even now that we are grown, the urge to run wild under cover of darkness is still there. When Pookie has bonfires at his house, a nocturnal game of hide & seek is inevitable.

There is just something about the wee hours. They are full of mystery and strange creatures. This, combined with the moonlight, or lack thereof, makes for an otherworldly feel. The witching hours hold much magic; take a walk some late evening, and allow yourself to become spellbound. You just might catch a glimpse of us darting about beneath the stars.

OULIPO An acronym for l'Ouvroir de Litterature Potentielle (French writers' group).

There is a conspiracy afoot. Oooh, I love games. I'm in!

athlete A person possessing the natural or acquired traits, such as strength, agility, and endurance, that are necessary for sports.

He is sixteen years old, today. Dimpled, and bright eyes full of devilment is how he looks in his baby pictures.

A natural born athlete. At three years old, he could bat a baseball onto the roof of a two story house (which he did consistently). Had an excellent arm, too. Could also run like the wind, and climb anything. He once told me that when he ran is when he felt truly happy.

He could whistle while still an infant - would lay in his crib, and whistle to entertain himself before he could roll over. It was fantastic.

One of my favorite memories is one Halloween, he was dressed like a ninja, except his mask was a black hood with a glow in the dark snake face on it. Grisly looking thing. His older brother went as a clown (Awesome costume, if I do say so myself. Of course, I made it, but I worked hard on it, and it was detailed). I took them to the village to go trick or treating. Being a village, there isn't much in the way of street lighting, and it didn't take long for the little panther to figure out he couldn't be seen in the shadows. He soon tired of stopping short in the deep shadows, thus making me run into him (I have night-blindness; all of my family takes advantage) and scaring the mess out of little kids. That is when inspiration struck him. Now, this happened when 'In Living Color' was still on television. Remember Damon Wayans as Homie the Clown? Yeah. The little mischief maker took off one of his socks, and filled it with candy. He then spent the next hour ambushing his older brother. He would leap out of the darkness yelling 'Homie don't play that!', whack clown/brother with the treat filled sock, and disappearing into the night leaving nothing but echoes of laughter. I was so exasperated! But I also admired his cleverness and agility.

Once, when he was asked what name he wanted to go by, he said 'Cowboy.' I have not seen him since January 1, 2000, but I think of him every day. Happy Birthday, Cowboy. I love you.

activism The use of direct action, such as a demonstration or strike, in opposition to or support of a cause.

I am participating in the Virtual March on Washington today. It is sponsored by Win Without War, a coalition of 32 national organizations that have joined together to advocate alternatives to war in Iraq. Also at that site, True Majority is sponsoring free faxes to register your protest about the impending war.

To get into whether war is ever necessary is a subject too involved to fit comfortably into this forum, because it is a subject for discussion and debate. My personal approach is to consider the issues, then ask 'Would I die for this cause? Would I send my child to war for this cause?'. If I would not do it myself, how can I ask another to do so? Unfortunately, it feels like the persons in charge of making the decisions are willing to consider it beyond that: 'Ok, well, what about the neighbor's kid? How about that punk kid down the street who plays his music too loud, and ran over the azealeas last summer? Or, hey, what about kids who can't afford to go to college? We could give them money to go to school if the make it back alive...it's not like we are forcing them, they voluntarily signed up.'

Ok, yeah, they did. But I bet a majority of them would be marching in the protests instead, if they had had the money to get into college.

Peeved To be annoyed or vexed.

Remarkably, it doesn't last long. It's that whole simple pleasures thing.

1. Needed to go to pharmacy to pick up pictures. Car got stuck in the snowbank at end of driveway (boo). Played around trying to get it out (yay). Open rear end (allows one tire to spin & take all power from other wheel) ensures that I won't get it out until a thaw (boo). Same open rear end lets car do amazing powerbraking and endless donuts in gravel parking lots the other 3 seasons (yay). Decided to walk to pick up my pics; snow is knee deep (boo). Pharmacy was having a really good sale (yay). My pics didn't turn out (boo). Bought another disposable camera to try again (yay).

2. Was looking for an old journal I have stored. Found some old negatives I was looking for the other day (yay). Didn't find journal (boo). Found my copy of 'The Universe in a Nutshell' (yay). Bank called and said a VISA databank had been hacked, and I need to get a new card (boo). Learned how to do an HTML link (yay). Whiffed the first one (boo). Did brilliantly on the next three (yay). Yahoo kept crashing (boo). Finally got it to work (yay).

It's been quite a day. I'm going to bed, and read a little Stephen Hawking before sleep (yay). Peace.

Hedonism Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses. in Philosophy: The ethical doctrine holding that only what is pleasant or has pleasant consequences is intrinsically good.

In weeding through my notes, I came across this: 'Look up' Aristippus - Greek philosopher who founded the Cyrenaic school of philosophy based on the concept of hedonism.

Hedonism broken down to its most basic definition of 'pursuit of sensual pleasure' gets misinterpreted to purely sexual connotations. Sex can be a part of it, but does not have to be. "The Cyrenaics admit that there are both bodily pleasures (e.g., sexual gratification) and mental pleasures (e.g., delight at the prosperity of one's country), and they maintain, against the Epicureans, that not all mental pleasures are based upon bodily pleasures."

The paradox of hedonism states that in the pursuit of happiness itself, one is miserable; but, in pursuit of something transcendent to the self one achieves happiness. Happiness is not equivalent to pleasure. If happiness is confused with pleasure, then the paradox of hedonism arises. Aristotle observed How, then, is it that no one is continuously pleased? Is it that we grow weary? Certainly all human things are incapable of continuous activity. Therefore pleasure also is not continuous; for it accompanies activity.

Daydreaming, the grasping of a new concept, or a well turned word, can all bring me pleasure; without activity. I think the key is to keep your life simple. Few liabilities, few needs, few desires, all allow one to focus more on the actual moment. A child's smile, or a hummingbird poised in flight may be easily missed while caught up in the race of today's world. If you shed the false gods, you will find truth.

FYI: I knocked it down to 16 post-its.

Post-It A trademark for a slip of notepaper with an adhesive edge. a/k/a My obsessive sin against nature.

I currently have 47 notes affixed to my monitor, tower, and the window next to me. They look like a mass of tiny yellow butterflies!

I appropriated a 10 pack of the small sticky note pads around Christmas. I have less than half remaining. I must begin weaning myself because I will not purchase them (do not have space in this post to go into the full reasons why; 'Cliff's Notes' version is I am a hypocrite). It will force me to be more organized. I would have to actually DO things, rather than make a note to do it later. Guess I better get started.

(For realism watch 'Chicken Run' here - I did.)

homeland One's native land.

Homeland Security. I think what rankles me the most about that particular word choice is its inherent exclusivity; its isolationism. This is the United States of America; we are a blend. Everybody came from somewhere else, somewhere back.

(Well, except maybe for American Indians - but we've been working for hundreds of years to push them off of their homeland; to bring them up would just invite a word like hypocrisy. Come on, though, this is different. Men, women, and children are being indiscriminately massacred by others who do not agree with our beliefs, or way of life. Uhh... erm, hmm...)

We are (or should be) American not by common heritage or lineage, but simply by being banded together as a community of communities. Getting to know your neighbors, and looking out for one another is the way to live; not by duct taping yourself into a house-sized coffin.

rapture The state of being transported by a lofty emotion; ecstasy. An expression of ecstatic feeling.

Umm, yeah, about that...

By nature, I am a dreamer. I am content to spend my days flitting about like a butterfly, fluttering to wherever my whimsy takes me. The world is a garden of delights.

Profound, abstract, artistic minds; I am fortunate to know a few; they are my playground. I like to visit them often, and let my senses drink deeply of all they have to offer.

I am entranced by the natural world; by the textures, smells, colors, sounds...I feel an enveloping love when I am cradled in Nature's arms. That fleeting glimpse you got of a girl scampering through the glen, talking to tree frogs? That was me.

My personal philosophy is that one does not know how long life is, or whether you get another go around; this may be all there is, I want to savor every moment.

By now, you probably are picturing someone who moves through life as though in a constant state of euphoria. Well, put that way...yeah. Isn't life grand?

slacker To be careless or remiss in doing a duty.

Yepper, that's me today. I spent waaaaaay too much time on quizilla.com, and comparing results with my friends. It was great fun!


You're a Non-box.


What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ahh, I'll get serious tomorrow. Sometimes you just gotta sniff the daisies.

ex A former spouse or lover. Also known as the paperweight.

He was hung with the dubious moniker of Paperweight (a/k/a PW), because his beauty & usefulness were a pretty close match. Ok, yeah, it's kinda mean, but it's also accurate.

This is what he inspired:

I can't bear your crushing weight on me
trying to press me into a mold
to make me be your ideal woman
accepting double standards
hiding my intelligence
made to wait while you make up your mind

It's killing me
you wonder why I don't smile anymore
why I eat/smoke/drink too much
don't cook/cook too much
don't clean/won't sit & watch tv with you
because I have to clean

you want your space
but have to know where I am at all times
I need to breathe

I still love him for what is inside - he actually hugged a tree once, in front of his mom's house. It was an act that spoke pure joy. My friend called him loco; I was charmed. Animals are not afraid of him, he has a soft spot for old people and children. But what I needed, and what he gave, were two different things, and I couldn't find a way to let him understand. It became a relationship of my giving/doing/fixing and him taking/wanting/breaking. It just crushed me. I left to save my life.

family bed: A co-sleeping arrangement in which family members share a bed. Also regionally known as a dogpile.

A 'bed' doesn't have to be a bedstead or matress, per se. It can be anyplace one chooses to go to sleep for the night. A clear spot on the floor can be a bed, a car seat can be a bed, a cardboard box can be a bed.

Everyone should sleep with somebody once in a while. I don't mean it in a sexual way, but in the 'I have somebody to share the watch with, so I can sleep a little deeper' sense. I have slept in that sense with a lot of people, in a lot of places. Sharing hotel rooms (and beds) or in the car/van at a rest stop on road trips, crashing with friends or family members, slumber parties, cuddling with my children to give comfort. I see nothing wrong with it, it is completely natural; but recently it was brought to the forefront of the media and placed under attack. People can do things without sex having to be involved. Get off of it already.

On the other hand, I do find it reprehensible that we may go to war for our present leader's own vendetta. Dissect & analyze the reasons for that, instead of wasting all that time/energy/money for something inconsequential that was just a distraction from the actual horror that we are about to commit.

You can e-mail gnomi at gnomiinfo@yahoo.com

propaganda The propagation of a doctrine or of information reflecting the views and interests of those advocating such a doctrine.

I do not go to church. I no longer watch television. I do not blindly accept anything the government tells me (and I vote). My mind & my heart lead me. They cannot fail me any more than the previous three have, and will lie to me even less.

The stories they tell us as little girls, about Cinderella and Prince Charming, about Snow White; they are all lies. It is just to make us conform. We dream our lives will be all this or that, then try to live with the disillusion. "Make the best of it", we are told. Make do, compromise, sacrifice- it will bring us peace and contentment when we are older. But I look at my mom, and I know it's not true. I see my sisters struggle to try to make the dreams work. As they build up those delicate shells of hopes and aspirations, they get crushed and crunched under the shoes of husbands and boyfriends trying to dominate them. My dreams did not include living with someone who wears ratty sweatpants and plays with his balls while he watches cartoons. There weren't any that even came close to that.

So, I rebel. I refuse to give up. I am alone, sometimes painfully so. But it is better than what was my life. Martyrdom is not for me. I will find my dreams, somewhere.

rappel A descent of a vertical surface, as a cliff or wall, by sliding down a belayed rope through a device that provides friction, typically while facing the surface and performing a series of short backward leaps to control the descent.

Heh. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

You often hear on the news about how some tragedy with a kid involved is blamed on a television show, or popular music. Then people want to censor the media. Well, I'm here to tell you educational TV can be just as bad. My brother Pookie and I once saw a show on PBS about rockclimbing. What really intrigued us was how they came back down - they rappelled. So off we went to find rope. A ladder was still conveniently leaning up against the back of the house from when my dad used it a few weeks before to install a CB radio tower on the roof of our house (our neighbors loved us). Once on the roof, said CB tower was determined to be what I would belay the rope around, and ease out slack as my brother needed it. Pookie tied the rope around himself under his arms, and sat on the edge of the roof, working up the nerve to launch himself over the edge while I assured him that I had a good grip, everything would be fine. (Sounds like famous last words, doesn't it?)

My bro eased off the edge of the roof, and as soon as his weight hit the line, I got rope burn on both my hands and promptly let go. His free fall took him past the livingroom picture window. Pookie landed in a patch of lilies of the valley, just narrowly missing an overgrown boxwood. My mother was inside eating tea & toast while watching her afternoon soaps. She immediately came out onto the porch, and with hands on hips, yelled 'Get out of my flower bed', then turned and went back in the house.

I didn't realize until several years later, that I just might have saved my brother's life. While I was telling the story to my dad (I was grown, had my own apartment, and could run faster than him, I figured it wouldn't get any better than that) it hit me that Pookie's first kick into the house would have landed squarely in the middle of that picture window. Somewhere in the universe, somebody loves us.

Oh yeah - and supervise your children instead of relying on censors; that is their best protection.

frog (v.) To ball the fist in such a manner as to leave the knuckle of the middle finger protruding, thus concentrating the force of the punch into a smaller area.

Ergonomically efficient way to eliciting pain response. Demonstrates most eloquently what 'packs a punch' really means. Hurts like hell.

I realize that this is starting to sound like a dysfunctional family; it is a strange family, but it functions very well. We do more than hit hard (followed by an 'ow', then a guilty giggle or a return blow dealt by the offended party); we also work hard, play hard, hug hard, laugh hard - usually at ourselves. It is a good system.

facetious: Given to good humored wit; merry; sportive; jocular; bantering

A thick skin and a quick wit is a vital necessity to survive in my family. Nothing is sacred; everything is game.

My family is...ooh...ahh...lessee, umm...eccentric. Actually, 'whackadoo' is used more often, but I was trying to be PC. One of our common traits is that we love to play games. Any game. All the time. Word games, mathmatical puzzles, twenty questions, anything. It is a compulsion for all of us. Water basketball has only one rule: You may not drown your own teammates*. That was amended from 'You cannot drown your own teammates', because of the obvious arguable wording flaw. Jury is still out on the asterisk (*unless carried by a majority vote of fellow teammates, or in the case of only 1 other player left on the team, a majority vote by the opposing team). We also play LOTS of car games. One Christmas, we played eye-spy all the way across Kansas - almost everything was either white (anything outside the car), or maroon (interior of car), but we played anyway. There was a narrowly avoided beating of the spy over one round that lasted for nearly an hour (we also never give up) over something that was blue. It took forever to guess 'the driver's right eye', with the driver being the spy (Hey, I could see it in the rearview mirror, ok?). We have called a small truce over 'slug bug' since the new Beetles came out. It wears thin when you've been frogged in the arm so many times, you can no longer move it. But they do still count in the animal game (Name as many animals as you can see- anything that lets you name an animal counts; yeah, frogging counts too.). One of my favorites is one of the simplest. Be the first person to spot christmas lights lit up, and sound forth with shouts of 'christmas lights, christmas lights'. With a carload of kids, it is rollicking good fun (and drowns out my dad). You gotta love the holiday road trips. I gotta love this family - they are just too much fun not to. See ya in the pool (and bring a life jacket)!

meme: (pron. 'meem') A contagious idea that replicates by infecting human minds.
Examples of memes include melodies, slogans, fashion statements and phrases.

An idea or information pattern is not a meme until it causes someone to repeat it to someone else.

I have just recently learned this word. But the concept I have understood since grade school.
My little brother (I have two - both younger, but Pookie can not be called 'little' in any sense of the word, so he is my 'big' brother; Weasel is the youngest and shorter, so by default he gets called 'little'.) and I (yeah, this is still one sentence) play a game where we pick a word or phrase, and try to see how far we can get it into general use. If it gets used in a movie or on tv, that is the big score. Weasel's current pick is 'classic'. It is to be used as an exclamation when someone does something predictably stupid, peferably with a sarcastic tone. I want to get the president to use 'weasel tactics'. It would be used it in the context of 'Machiavellian', but with a little higher profile - taunting & flirting with disaster while pulling the strings. 'Weasel', because that is how little bro operates. It is lots of fun to watch. Wish me luck. I have a resounding 'HA!' riding on this.

Sabbatical
Relating or appropriate to the Sabbath as the day of rest.
- also see 'copout'

Have I reverted to my lackadaisical ways after only two days?
No, I think not. I am simply exploring leisure.
I did fritter away my day watching movies, surfing, and on IM all while fretting that I was somehow inadequate; but I think I will survive it (heh, more on that to come). I made some more decisions about dispensation of my belongings; to my surprise, I was especially harsh with my books. I have decided to add an mp3 player to my list of necessities for my trip. I listen to music every day. My life has a soundtrack, and I think I would feel lost without it. I have developed little 'rituals' I use when I grow weary, or feel sad. Music is a big part of those rituals. For example, a while back I had a harsh break up with a lover, so my brother took me on a road trip. He does things like that - finds me foundering, buoys me up, and sets my little boat on a new course. After spending the day perusing some of the finer auto junkyards in the tri-state area, I was still in a funk, so he whipped out plan B. Apparently plan B consisted solely of rapidly cruising all the radio stations at a high volume to try to provoke some kind of response out of me. Then I heard it. That unmistakable piano riff intro. And I knew. Gloria Gaynor was about to strike again. Now, just for a little background, my bro is 6' 3", and 265 lbs. of hammer daddy muscle (with a beer gut). But in spite of that (or maybe because), he has no qualms about belting out a disco song to rival any diva. I tried to resist. I really did. But one glance at my 10 year old nephew sitting in wild-eyed horror in the back seat, kicked me over the edge. I joined in at the beat intro, and by the second chorus, I was singing from all the way down in my toes - I was going to survive. God, I love my brother. And now, I proudly listen to disco while grinning ear to ear, and feeling invincible. Who cares what others think? Yup, gotta take the tunes with me.

Wanderlust A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

It has been hitting me hard lately. I catch myself spending more and more time staring out the window at a landscape of brown, white, & gray, and just focusing on the robin's egg sky. There is a journey in my near future, I am certain, but I do not know the full reason. It is not cabin fever, because I could get out and go places now, but I choose not to. I am evaluating all my possessions, mentally placing them in a 'store' or 'give away' pile.
I am hatching this idea in my head about spending the summer doing a bike tour of the U.S. It's HUGE, and I have been here all my life, but I have seen less than a quarter of it. My brother will most assuredly try to stop me. He will say it is not safe, where will you stay, how will you survive? I am preparing the answers to those questions before I give him a chance to ask them. I want to do it. I want to see more of it. I want to see the museums, and actually stand in places rather than read about them - meet the people, hear the different dialects, try the different foods. I want to ride across a desert. I want to stand on a mountain. I want to see the Pacific ocean. I know I will. Soon. I will be ready.

what is the purpose of this site?
it is about:
independence
life
self learning
freedom
challenging stereotypes
spiritual quest

gnostic: Of, relating to, or possessing intellectual or spiritual knowledge.
gnomic: Marked by aphorisms; aphoristic: gnomic verse; a gnomic style.
aphoristic: In the form of short, unconnected sentences; as, an aphoristic style.

Welcome to my journey.